3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize