people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
