I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize