I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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