Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
