So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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