I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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