You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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