Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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