3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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