the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she looked like the before picture.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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