I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
