even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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