He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
