p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
