I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
