good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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