Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
