Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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