i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
