saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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