I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize