You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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