Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
