i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
