Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
