I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
