i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
