Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
