it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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