dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I want her autograph on my taint
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
