Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
