Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I CAN MOONWALK!
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
