The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
