you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
