remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
