I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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