My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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