I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
