i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
