I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
