it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize