What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
