So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize