biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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