Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
