I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
