Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
