I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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