Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
a search helicopter?!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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