Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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