He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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