so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
