Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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