I bet he comes in French.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
