Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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