i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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