forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
