I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
