btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
