made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
