stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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