Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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