The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
