You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
