Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
