do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
