i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We have so much sex to catch up on
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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