So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
