hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
