Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You were trust falling into bushes
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
