a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My ATM looks so different sober.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
