I love black thongs
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
