there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
