You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
