I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
