In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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