he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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