It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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