When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize