the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
