I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
