even my farts smell like vagina
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
