there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize