did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
3 2 1 whiskey
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
