It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
