I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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