his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
