He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
