I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
