He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
