u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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