toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
