Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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