Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
