worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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