I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
