im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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