Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
