Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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