I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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