Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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