We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think your dad took our porno
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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